


Speak Easy

by Jokess



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Kissing, Red Romance, noir style, pre-death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 03:57:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3595431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jokess/pseuds/Jokess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a certain wriggler's fairy tale appears in Redglare's sad excuse for an office, the newly titled Neophyte is given more than a new case to figure out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Speak Easy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FishPrincess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FishPrincess/gifts).



Neophyte Redglare knew something huge was happening the moment the dame in the slinky, heretical lime green dress appeared before her eyes. At the moment she figured the something was going to be a strife because no ordinary troll could just appear inside the claustrophobic, near pitch black office located inside the dungeon of some highblooded official’s hive, she called an office and yet that was just what had happened.

“You Latula Pyrope, the Neophyte Redglare.” The strange troll, who seemed more as if she had wrapped herself in her electric green number than put it on, spoke slow and careful; as if she weren’t sure if she was correct, or as if she wasn't a very good speaker.

Were Redglare a betting troll, she wasn't since betting was illegal in all but one of the Alternian cities, she’d have said the reason was the later. It’d been many a sweep since she were a wriggler but even she recognized the Demoness of legend.

“You’re shorter than the horror stories said you were.” Latula replied giving the Handmaid an easy smirk despite the fact her body was thrumming like a live wire. She wasn't one for jokes, but fortunately she was dead serious and could fake a smile better than the Condesce herself. Long live her Imperialness. “A lot more not fake too.”

“Get a lot. Stories easy believe. Reality easy forget.”

Damn, it was too bad betting was illegal, Redglare would have just made a fortune.

“I here to demand help. No boon. Fate. Happen now or happen later no different. Still happen. But help now and less death.”

Deciphering the Handmaid’s words was more difficult than deciphering the weekend Crossword blindfolded, with no clues and a fire burning the paper. Fortuitously Redglare had solved many a puzzle under such constraints so she was able to get the gist of the ‘request’ after a minute of processing.

“Sorry babe but I don’t work for free, because I was threatened to or because of Fate and you’re claiming all three. Find another schmuck to track down your adulterating matesprit.”

“All three I do. I do you too. That life. Sucks.”

Redglare had a retort on her lips and a sword at her hip ready to go and cut the Demoness down to size but before she could the unassuming troll with horns more twisted than the blackest of subjuggulators hearts took three steps forward and kissed Redglare hard on the lips. 

The kiss, which was more of a mouth punch than anything, was over almost before it begun. The Handmaid pulled back a small but unmistakable smirk of pleasure on her rust red painted lips.

“No matesprit. No quadrants. Only the Lord.”

Somehow Redglare didn't think the troll before her was referring to a God more narcissistic than usual. Also. damn but this harbinger of death and destruction was a good kisser. The kiss had well and truly ended but her lips were still tingling with heat and pressure.

“I believe. No quadrants. You prove well.”

Damn it, puns were contagious enough without Redglare emulating the Demoness’s way of speaking. Biting her lip hard enough to draw two drops of teal blood the legislacerator swallowed hard. This was no time for the beginnings of a flush based solely upon a kiss.

“I mean-”

Before she could continue the lady troll of doom laughed in her face. The Handmaid’s laugh was surprisingly melodious and pleasant. If not for the fact she were baring her teeth in a shark’s grin Redglare would have deemed the sound ‘pleasant.’ 

“You funny. Talk big but silent with kiss. I do again.”

Once again Redglare had no time to reply before the other troll’s plush, painted lips were upon hers. Unlike the last kiss this one did not end so quickly. In fact time seemed to slow down as the Handmaid pressed open Redglare’s lips with her own and laved her tongue over her sharp and pointed teeth.

Though taken aback by the kiss Redglare was happy to reciprocate. Her experience with anything quadrant related wasn't much, but judging from the clumsy almost desperate way the troll clinging to her like plastic wrap was trying to kiss her she’d guess the Handmaid had even less experience than she. Whatever her life was it seemed more than a story to scare bad behavior out of grubs and wrigglers. And to think this troll, this living being was feared and despised over a bunch of half assed stories. That was wrong; Fuck, it was unjust.

This time it was Redglare who broke the kiss. Slightly breathless, her cheeks tinged teal and her lips moistened with translucent rust spittle the young troll pulled away from the Handmaid and retreated to the safety zone behind her desk.

“All right, you have me convinced. The matter you bring to me is one of justice and it is my job to ensure justice is brought. Therefore I can not, in good faith, allow you to leave my office until you have told me everything I need or want to know. So please pull up and chair and have a seat.”

Redglare’s words were greeted with a stormy silence and a look of stone. Had she said she was the reason the Handmaid’s lusus was dead she’d have deserved such a look, so what she’d done Redglare couldn't begin to say.

“Demoness?” Redglare ventured, her tone soft but imploring. Sadly it did not yield new fruit. Her newest client continued to glare silent death.

“I don’t- No. Never mind. Stand if you would like, just tell me what it is I need to know.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No!”

“...I’m afraid I don’t understand.” Redglare began as she started to rise.

“NO! NO! NO! NO!”

The Demoness was shouting now and her eyes glowing an eerie, dark red. Psionics, or something close enough for legislacerator work. “Demoness, you must calm down or I will use force.”

“NO!” Her shout seemed to shake the rafters, but that was nothing compared to the sudden blast of force which sent Redglare sprawling into the wall. She hit her head hard enough to see stars but did not black out. She’d taken worse blow in training for just this sort of emergency. Unfortunately subduing training dummies was much easier than an angry rustblood with more power in her little finger than a seadweller had in their whole body. And though she might have been able to get the jump on Demoness and seadweller alike in the right scenario, right now Redglare couldn’t so much as blink.

“NO FORCE! NOT SLAVE! NOT AGAIN! ONLY HIM. ONLY SCUMBAG BREAKER. NO FIXING OR HELP. ALL LIES!”

Fuck Redglare was totally out of her league here. Even if she could move she had no idea what the Handmaid was saying much less what it was she could do. Despite that Latula forced herself to her feet even as the world spun and swayed. If she didn’t have a concussion it was a miracle.

“I’m sorry. I don’t- whatever I did to make you angry, I’m sorry. I am trying to help you. I WANT to help you. I want to bring you some modicum of justice even though you deserve more. Hell if I know how much more, but more than every troll on Alternia hating or fearing you because of a story. And, more importantly, I like you. I know we don’t really know one another but I can’t help but like anyone who seeks out justice on this Godforsaken shit-hole of a planet.”

Silence. A silence so loud it was ringing throughout the tiny room. It was a near deafening silence and yet a welcome one as the world, or at least the office, had gone still. The terrible fury raging throughout the enclosed office space had died as quick as it had lived and in it’s wake left a bemused Redglare and simmering Demoness.

“No force?”

Taken aback by the question spoken in a calm that could soothe a fussy grub, Redglare didn’t answer for a good ten seconds. Fortunately before her lack of answer could be mistaken as a refusal she nodded her head once, twice, three times.

“Yes, that is correct. I will not use force.”

“Yes. Sit now. I tell.”

Had she not been blasted into a wall and fearing for her life Redglare might have refused. However she HAD been hurt and afraid AND was feeling the impending exhaustion as adrenaline drained from her system. Thus she gratefully plopped down in the chair and was amidst heaving a relieved sigh when the Handmaid plopped herself into her lap.

“What are you doing Handmaid?”

“Sitting.”

“No. I mean, why are you sitting on my lap? There is a chair for you on the other side of the desk.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No!”

This was starting to sound fami-OOOOOOH.

“AHA!” Redglare exclaimed as she popped out of her chair and caused the Handmaid to sprawl across her immaculately tidy desk. “I have solved the case.”

“You have make me fall.”

“Sorry ‘bout that. Got a bit excited. Won’t happen again now that I know you were saying no because you wanted to sit in my lap instead of on the chair.”

“Yes. That I said to begin.”

“Right. I just didn’t realize it before. I thought you meant, no as in you weren’t going to share with me what happened.”

“No. I not be here if that case.”

“Oh. Well I thought you had changed your mind for some reason.”

“No. I go like come if that case.”

“Ah, I see. So, why then did you not say you didn’t want to sit in a chair?”

“I do. I say no and give bad looks.”

“You...you thought saying no and glaring at me was the way to show you wanted to sit in my lap.”

“Obvious yes.”

That was not an ‘obvious yes’ but Redglare was not going to argue. Maybe later she’d dig deeper, but for now she had the case she’d been ‘hired’ for to figure out.

“All right. Now that I’m aware of what you wanted, please take a seat wherever you are most comfortable and tell me what it is I asked for before.”

Handmaid nodded as she pushed herself from the desk then settled onto Redglare’s lap once again. She did not speak once she ‘s gotten comfortable and instead leaned in so her head was a fraction of an inch away from Redglare’s.

“Say again now. No force when you wrong?”

Again, there was a lot more to what had happened than Handmaid was saying but it wasn’t the time to argue. She let out a sigh of resignation and focused her teal eyes on the Handmaid’s dark red.

“Yes, no force when I’m wrong. In fact I won’t use force against you ever again.”

The Handmaid fell silent again, and though the stormy, stony look was back this time Redglare knew she had given the right answer. At least this time. In the future? Who knew? Maybe she’d mess up again, but that was a part of life. She didn’t like making mistakes, but with the Handmaid there was little choice. She was a horror story come to life and a mystery wrapped up in an enigma who had literally appeared in her office with a threatening demand. She was impossible to be right about 100 percent of the time. The only thing Redglare could do, well- the only JUST thing anyway, was stick by the Handmaid’s side as well as she was able and figure out who she was together.

If nothing else this Redglare knew: Who the Handmaid and the Demoness was, was a mystery to the both of them. This woman of red and bright green had as many questions about her true self as Redglare did. Why that was, Redglare didn’t know, but in time she might be lucky enough to learn. Until then it was she who was going to be initiating the kiss with the Handmaid. After being kissed twice it was only fair the Handmaid get kissed at least once in return.


End file.
